PTO Reject

Hi, I'm Ian's Mom and I'm a PTO Reject.

It's not something I'm proud of, but it is now become a part of my history. We all have talents. Some people are good with children, others sing really well. Still others make beautiful art for people to enjoy... I have great taste in purses. I can't help it; I was just born classy.
I think this was just a huge misunderstanding. I honestly don't understand the harm in a little glue sniffing- look at me. I turned out totally fine. I can stop whenever I want. I don't have a problem- they have the problem. All was well until I got a whiff of the magic markers... I thought I'd be fine because there was no rubber cement to be found. Turns out I was wrong. Really wrong...



They kicked me out. That's right- they finally did it. They finally had enough of my antics. Forget that I'm an assistant Room Mother and an all around great gal. Not to mention like 1,000% classier than them. Oh, and I have great taste in purses, have I mentioned that? But man...you mess up once and you're out. These peeps are brutal. They don't play. I've been there making faux gingerbread houses with milk cartons and graham crackers. Cookie Dough? I've bought it... Field Day? I'm there. Thanksgiving Feast? I've made butter whilst dressed as a pilgrim. Valentines Day? Don't even get me started...

The straw that broke the proverbial camels back was Classroom Baskets for the Spring Fling (can we not come up with a more original name?)I totally dropped the ball. I never sent a sign up sheet home for parents to donate items.
Our theme is "Fishing Trip"... Well, there's your first clue that I am gonna suck at this. The items we did get were odd...used bobbers (really- why would we want to add used items to our basket?) a MONSTER fillet knife that had to be immediately locked up... the list goes on, but I won't. Who in their right mind sends their first grader to school with a HUGE fillet knife? So anyway, there is no basket for the raffle from my son's class. I guess they said something about money that was donated and I could go buy stuff- like that's ever gonna happen. I don't buy fishing stuff. They did give me an envelope with money in it, but I'm pretty sure it's severance pay or something. Maybe they're trying to buy my silence. They don't want me talking. I know their secrets. I know how they score such good deals at Oriental Trading... they think I'm clueless just because I wear really cute shoes and use little words. I like little words. Who am I to make people feel bad about themselves by using big words that they don't know? Well, that just wouldn't be classy, now would it?
I've got a message for these "super moms" on the PTO; and it has absolutely nothing to do with the totally awesome sale at Dillard's. From now on- make your faux gingerbread houses on your own time. Oh, and thanks for the cash.

I'm taking my glue and going home.



OK....... So they didn't really kick me out..... I'm acutally not that lucky.