I did not at any point this week decide that I deserved a crispety, crunchety Butterfinger bar because I lost 4 pounds last week. That'd be kinda dumb.
I have never contemplated shaving my head and getting some permanent make up tattoos so I could sleep in. I mean seriously, if I'm gonna go through the pain of a tattoo, it's gonna be hAWt. Like some leopard spots on my hip or Mikey's name on my arm surrounded by cupid and his naked little self...something rad like that.
I did not decide that I was giving up Dr. Pepper for Lent. I totally remembered that I had forgotten I wasn't Catholic. Plus, Lent is waaaaay over. Oh well, I guess it's a good thing I never drink that crap. You don't get this cool by consuming
When I saw that my answering machine was full and would not accept any more messages, I took the time to erase what was on there. I love for people to leave messages for me. Nothing makes me happier than to have to stop what I'm doing and actually listen to
I did not lock my keys in my car with the car running in my garage. What kind of moron does crap like that? Who cares if you're running late for a Presidency Meeting? Make them wait for you. Does it matter that you're only gonna be in the house for 2 SECONDS? I think not.
At no point this week did I wish that at least some of my children would turn mute for just a moment. Just one. There really is nothing quite like a cat fight between Tweenager and Pancake Gurl. They totally rock.
OK, so in an attempt to help coolify my peeps I have shared things that I would never, ever do. I do need you to please note that I am exceptionally cool and it may take a while for the average idiot to catch on. Feel free to try, though.
7 comments:
I do not understand your weight loss reward reasoning--I would never do anything like that, either.
After spending over half an hour blow drying and flat ironing my hair, I have never considered shaving my head. Rather than a tattoo, I wouldn't think of using stickers to coordinate with my outfit or the current holiday.
I'm so glad you and I do not think alike!
You did deserve the Butterfinger!
And please shave your head.
You totally did!! I was on the phone with you while you were crispity crunching in my ear. Don't even try to front.
You're such a dedicated blogger...love reading it and hearing your voice in my head. (I do that periodically. I think it's a special talent). Tell Pancake Gurl hello from Daisy and Tell Ash that I said to be nice to her Mom.
Butterfingers are totally diet food! They remind why you're on a diet and make it easier to get through teh week. :D
I didn't decide I could have 3 cookies yesterday either. I'm off sugar and treats and wouldn't sneak any.
You forgot to tell everyone that your kids are such good friends that they would never say "I hate you" to one another, especially in church. ;-)
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