Dear Princess Faintsalot,

This is the tiniest bit uncomfy for me, but we need to have a chat.

Yes, I know you want lip gloss, but please get outta my purse and sit down nicely before I am forced to hide all your shoes.


Thanks. That's better.


Remember how I made you a really yummy lunch today? And do you remember what you said when I asked if it was yummy? Just in case, please allow me to refresh your adorable lil' memory... if I'm not mistaken you said something like.....


"DAMN RIGHT!"

I mean, don't get me wrong; I love that you enjoyed your lunch and all, and I must admit that whole wheat tortillas are indeed "beast" (as Drama Teen would say), but I'm just wondering if you might possibly be able to watch your language. I simply cannot have you going to church and using profanity to describe your Goldfish.

As your Mother, I'm kinda not OK with it, ya know?


Plus, people are gonna wonder where on Earth you heard that phrase. Seeing that we spend the most time together since I can't even tinkle without bringing you along, people will naturally wrongfully assume that it was I who taught you to profane. 'Specially since I don't have a great track record in the whole clean language department (C'mon... a little damn and hell every once in a while never hurt anybody....right?)

So- let's just keep this little incident between us, shall we?

I'll tell you what... you don't tell Daddy, Nana or Bishop Merrell, and I might even get you these....

or perhaps you'd prefer this...







I mean, ya know... just cuz I love you and stuff. Aww hell heck, I bet you'd look so damn dang cute in this outfit, I might just get both of them...

Love,

Mommy