Once upon a time, there was a teeny, tiny little princess. She lived in a lovely and well appointed castle (thanks to the Queens
fabulous taste in decor) with the King & Queen of Crazy, Drama Tween, Pancake Gurl and a little prince called Dash. This princess was exceedingly fair and sweet tempered...until she wasn't.
Life was sweet for our royal family. They had an abundance of love and compassion for one another (well, most of the time). One thing they shared was the fact that everyone adored their little princess. She would laugh and play and ask for her ba-ba's ever so politely. Princess Faintsalot didn't believe in walking, why ever should she walk when one of her royal subjects could simply transport her to her desired destination?
One day, the evil Queen (for this is truly how she was known through all the land round about)decided that Princess Faintsalot needed to go nite nite. Princess loved to go nite nite, but then the Queen decided that to go nite nite properly, one must don one's jammies. The Queen chose a darling pair of footed thermals with happy and cute piggies all over. Princess however, was having none of this. She re-enacted a tragic scene from a European film she had recently seen where a 12 legged octopus(crazy, but true, my good reader)was writhing in pain after suffering much torture and tribulation. After huffing and puffing, the horrible Queen was able to subdue our fair angel and properly clothe her for what she prayed would be a long winters nap; for the Queen was desperately in need of a manicure.
On days when the King and Queen were out of the kingdom, Princess Faintsalot travelled by carriage to a neighboring Camelot to be looked after and taken care of by another queen. While nicer than Queen Bee, Queen Penny was also fairly evil. She actually made our dear precious princess sleep during daylight hours and would not even let her play with her really ugly hooker lamp(aptly named by Queen Bee because she was secretly jealous of the beautiful lamp and always told Queen Penny that she must get rid of it). As anyone can see, our darling princess had a very difficult life and many hurdles to overcome.
One bright and sunny day, Queen Penny tried to coerce our princess into doing something positively awful. It was so bad that we must never speak of it. Let's just say that it had
something to do with a royal nap....Have you ever heard of such a thing? Princess decided that she simply wasn't going to abide the injustice any longer so she promptly held her breath until she fainted. As one can imagine, Queen Penny was completely freaked out by this great show of perseverance. As lips turned blue, and big brown eyes rolled into the back of her head, our royal cuteness went limp and seemed as if she had truly wasted away. Queen Penny was terrified. Never had she witnessed such an awful scene in all her days (and I must remind you that her days were many...) When Princess finally came to, Queen Penny repented immediately of her evil doing, and vowed never to upset the Princess again.
Ever.
Princess Faintsalot was
very tricky, and she found that her plan worked in many scenarios such as doctors offices (immunizations are for peasants), when she got angry because the jokers around her didn't tend to her dire needs in a timely fashion,or when Drama Tween wouldn't let her play with her cell phone, just to name a few. She avoided Dash at all costs, he was just too fast and crazy. Pancake Gurl was the only one who truly never angered her. She barely survived, surrounded by idiots as she was. Every time anyone kindled her anger unjustly, she would simply faint and when she awoke, she would see that she was being fawned over.
Knowing this to be the true order of things, she knew that eventually the daft people surrounding her would get the idea and she would indeed be able to live the life she dreamed...
And as long as her minions were doing all they could to appease her, they would all be able to live happily ever after in harmony and peace.
