Medical Breakthroughs

As we approach a new year,I have compiled a list of my new favorite drugs to help those I care about be better people or at least make it less painful to be around them. These are easily obtainable and often prescribed. Please ask your doctor about proper dosage. Medications in this list may or may not qualify under your Pharmacy's prescription drug plan.

S A R C A S M A
Just one Sarcasma per day can free you and others from your normally arrogant and abrasive attitude.

D A M I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you
of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they
moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before
an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the
urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get
naked now?"

B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

N A G A M E T
When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation level as
nagging him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing
it.



****The information provided on this website should never be construed as anything but personal medical advice or instruction. No action should be taken based solely on the contents of this site, as the authors really have no clue what they're talking about 93.8% of the time.
Readers should consult appropriate (or inappropriate, if that's what you're into) health professionals on any matter relating to, or regarding their so called health and well being.
The information and opinions provided here are believed to be accurate and sound, based on the best judgment available to the authors, keeping in mind that the authors themselves are complete and total idiots, but readers who fail to consult appropriate health authorities assume the risk of any injuries and just might be considered to be of lesser intelligence. This website is full of, but not responsible for, errors and/or omissions.

Follow these simple steps to a happier you!

My brave little warriors

There apparently has been a brazen thief roaming the neighborhood the past few days. This is a big deal because we never even hear a fire engine, much less have crime. He robbed a home in the middle of the day and they haven't been able to catch him. My kids are a little bit freaked out. Ashley asked me at 4:30 this afternoon if we were all home for the night, I replied that indeed we were, so she promptly made sure all the doors were locked and turned on the alarm system. I'm not scared though because my kids are AWESOME- they're going to save us. They took it upon themselves to implement a plan that will lure him in and shut him down. Permanently.



They are well armed with plastic spoons (with chopsticks as backup if need be)
and ready to defend our property at any cost. I am talking about the risk of life and limb here. They are truly my hero's and I will sleep better tonight knowing that they have my back.

Monday Morning Music

Love this song!


remember to pause the player on the side

does anybody know....

How very difficult it is to get up and get yourself and four kids ready for church that starts at 8:30 when you and the hubby might've rocked out on Rockband until well after 1:00 a.m.? If we were to do that and stay up that late when we knew we had to get up so early, it wouldn't have really been our intention to stay up that long, we would have just gotten carried away and our tour may have been extended because we are awesome. If that were to happen, it might be mighty difficult to get up a mere 5 hours later. And let's face it, people, after touring all those cities, there is no falling right to sleep- the jetlag is murder, or so I hear. If I were someone who would do that, I would hope that both rockstars parents had callings that REQUIRED their attendance at church, like say a financial clerk during tithing settlement and a member of the RS Presidency. Then there would be the task of making it look like you got plenty of sleep. Responsible people get enough rest on a regular basis. If that were what was going on in my home last night, which I'm not saying it DID.....then if it were me, I would have prayed for a nap that I probably would not have been able to get due to the aforementioned tithing settlement. Let me end this hypothetical question by expressing my deep gratitude for a church schedule that starts at 10:30 next year. maybe my girls will actually be able to have cute hair on Sundays for a change.

Pictures

My girlfriend makes hair accessories and she dabbles in photography, so after she made my girls some hair bows she asked if she could take their pictures. I thought they turned out really great, so I'm sharing them with all of you...

It's December 27th...

Do you have plans for Valentines Day yet? Why not get a head start on your gifts?

Wednesdays Words

I have decided that there are some old people I know who really need to brush up on their American Urban Slang. Ever helpful, here I am to save the day. This is the first installment... let's see what we can learn.

For today's lesson, we have a very special guest. We are spending a little bit of our Christmas in the Dogghouse, peeps. He enjoys coaching pee wee football, long walks on the beach and romantic candlelit dinners. He might even be sober. So, without further adieu, here is Tha Shizzolater... aka Snoop Dogg.

go elf yourself

Nana's dancing elves

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

I knew she was a fraud

Yeah yeah... blame it on someone else, Martha.
I never burn stuff.

if this kid made the "nice" list, I got nothin' to worry about..

the dude better bring me Rockband 2. I'm just sayin'...

Monday Morning Music

ok so it isn't exactly morning anymore, but whatever... I've been busy. I saw this on Tammy's blog and loved it... very interesting perspective I think.

Hell hath frozen over....

"Snow isn’t something regularly seen on the Las Vegas strip, and even less likely in December, but a serious dumping of snow of up to 3 1/2 inches caused delays at the airport and gave tourists an early white Christmas.... Vegas style."

Thoughtful Thursday... for my peeps who ponder

Another profound statement from my favorite author and philosopher...




"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

-Dr. Seuss

The world according to Liz.... what happens in Liz Land doesn't always stay there....

Were you aware that you can experiment with naughty words that you learn in school without getting caught by your parents? It's true. All you need to do is learn to say them in Australian;
everything sounds cooler in that language. And, the best part- your parents will have no clue what you are saying! Go ahead, try it!


Teach your little brother some cool new phrases too, he will thank you, and so will your mother.

The only thing you really need to watch out for is if your parents can also speak Australian... if they can understand what you're saying you might get a taste of some Australian soap- some say it's stronger than American soap, and that's just not good.

What do you want Santa to bring YOU?

Please save me... Someone.... Anyone.

WHAT IS THIS CRAP? I was sittin' here minding my own business when all the sudden this lady comes at me with like, a curved flat thing with orange junk on it. Then she totally crammed the stuff in my mouth. Without my consent, I might add. What am I supposed to DO with it? She didn't seem thrilled when I spit it on her. She didn't get the hint when I promptly removed all of it from my mouth with my HANDS and wiped it on my clothes (totally her fault BY THE WAY, she forgot the stinkin' bib- not me... yeah, I do hope it stains... I'm just sayin'.....) What happened to the warm milk? What happened to being cradled and cooed at? This sucks. Oh no, now she's talking about green beans... I gotta go find my dad...

Kid Survival Tip # 7,469 & 7,469.5

Tip # 7,469
If you are going to write on your sister's bathroom door, please do not write your name and school number. Even with a dry erase marker. Choose something a bit more clever, like say, her name and school number. While we all agree that your parents are complete and total morons, there are some things that even they don't miss.

Tip # 7,496.5
You know your Mom is a total spaz- remove the sticker before she sees it.

Monday Morning Music

All I ever needed to know, I learned from Charlie Brown

I think this is one of those stories where you really kinda had to be there, but I am going to share anyway. We were at our ward's Christmas breakfast yesterday and it was nice, the only thing that I can really think of that I would change is the fact that it was in the morning... I don't love getting up at 6:30 on Saturday morning to get kids ready and bake (I volunteered to bring something). They had gingerbread house kits for the kids to build and decorate, we shared family traditions, etc. A great time was had by all. Then the bishop got up and read from Luke 2. It was great. In the middle of his reading, Ashley pops her head up from the part of the house she was working on and said (not too quietly) "HEY LIZ!!!!!!!! This is what Linus talks about in Charlie Brown!" I thought I was a better mom than this. We hold regular Family Home Evenings. We teach about kindness and love- heck we even pray together. But I guess she missed the whole part about Christs' birth in the scriptures. Good thing we've got Linus. Now I shall attempt to impart wisdom unto you (through Linus of course). May you all be edified.

Jennie, you're a star

And you know why...
This combines three things I totally love...The killers, the office, and you!


No, YOU shut up!

And remember- a bird in the tree is worth... well.... um....nothing, really.

Hey Stacy...

I was chaperoning a youth tri-stake dance a few months ago, and while I was watching them act like complete idiots, I was reminded of when we went to stake dances... Remember the "Shopping Cart"? and how they had to ban Rock Lobster because we would get on the floor and flop around like dead fish at the end? Whatever happened to Rebecca? Have you kept in touch with her over the years? Watching those crazy kids made me a teensy bit nostalgic for those dances. Then I remembered that being a teenager really isn't that much fun, although you could eat McDonald's as much as you wanted and not gain weight... that might be good to have back...oh, and if we ran it was because we wanted to... and Spandau Ballet... and how on earth could we forget the Scotsman? OK... I'm done.

It's snowing!

It won't last, so we had to get pictures!

Freaking Hilarious...

Christmas Party Tips- A handy guide to get you through this Holiday Season

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. DO NOT have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies or pralines in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, please have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO! What a ride!"


P.S. Always follow my great friend Jennie's lead-- (after all,she is one classy broad) Never, EVER arrive at a function where there is free food without your big purse. You know the one...

Monday Morning Music

One of my faves!

Conversations with Ian

Ian: MOM... I put my tooth under my pillow last night,but when I woke up this morning, it was gone and there was no money there.

Mom: (internal dialogue) HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!! How did THAT happen?
(Out loud) Are you sure, Ian? I know the tooth fairy wouldn't really take the tooth and not leave you money for it.

Ian: I know 'cuz taking something without giving people money is STEALING.

Mom: I know it. (Hurry up, come up with something believable...and fast)OK, so I will call her and see what happened. This is the 2nd tooth you have lost this week, so sometimes when kids lose teeth really close together, she plays tricks on them. You know she is really kinda tricky.

Ian: Ooooohhhh.

Mom: OK, you go downstairs and get your shoes on so I can call her..... (after sufficient time has passed and the money has been "located" in his room)Alright, I called her and she said to look around in your room. She was playing a trick on you-see if you can find it now.

The money was found and the tooth fairies antics were enjoyed by a little boy who I SWEAR is knocking his teeth out for money.

Your'e it!

This is from Liz's blog....Tag yourself! Copy and paste into your blog. Put an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not, then answer the questions at the end. This is for your entire life!

( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Been to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke (remember- I'm the Rockband superstar)
( )Paid for a meal with coins only?
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
(x) Made prank phone calls?
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
(x) Been skinny dipping outdoors
(x) Gone to the movies
(x) Got a speeding ticket

1. Any nickname? Layners, Layne-o (HATE THAT),

2. Favorite Drink? water & Dr. Pepper

3. Mother's name? Tanya

4. Tattoo? nope

5. Body Piercing? Ears

6. How much do you love your job? depends on the day... usually love it though :)

7. Birthplace? Texas

8. Favorite vacation? NYC, Vegas

9. Ever been to Africa ? no, but my mother was born there, does that count a little?

10. Ever eaten cookies for dinner? hasn't everyone?

11. Ever been on TV? not yet

12. Ever steal any traffic sign? hmmm... define "steal"...

13. Ever been in a car accident? totally.... they suck

14. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4 door

15. Favorite salad dressing? Italian, Bleu Cheese

16. Favorite pie? Pecan

17. Favorite number? 6

18 Favorite Movie? Say Anything

19 Favorite holiday? Christmas

20. Favorite Dessert? Bobbies Chocolate Mousse Cake

21. Favorite food? Mexican, Italian, and I LOVE a good Cheeseburger

22. Favorite day of the week? Saturday

23. Favorite brand of body wash? Bath and Body Works Sensual Jasmine Vanilla

24. Favorite toothpaste? Aqua Fresh Extreme Clean

25. Favorite smell? Coco (perfume by Chanel),fresh laundry, oh and freshly bathed babies

26. What do you do to relax? read, listen to music, get in the hot tub, yoga

27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? totally hot...

Thoughtful Thursday

Whatever you are, be a good one.






Abraham Lincoln

Look at this!

This is what my friend Sharon posted for her Friday Five Last week... She says it was a requested topic, but really it was merely a great suggestion.

What do a killer, a queen, and a pet shop boy have in common?

Why a Christmas song, of course!

I realize that it's not Monday morning, nevertheless, this is brand spanking new music and it deserves to be honored. The truth is- I just didn't wanna wait...

A Christmas Discussion with Liz

Liz: Mom, wanna know how I know that the kids at school who say there is no Santa are big fat dumb liars?

Mom: Sure Liz, what makes them big fat dumb liars?

Liz: Well, they say it just Moms and Dads, not really Santa. I know they are just tricking kids because last year Santa brought me a scooter and Ian and Ashley skateboards when we asked for them; I know for sure it was him because you would NEVER bring "outside" toys into our house.

I just laughed and shook my head... she does have a very valid point. I am pretty strict when it comes to outside toys staying outside... At least she's thinking.... I love it!

Monday Morning Music

13 years ago today, I married my best friend. Back then I was just excited to not ever have another female roommate (the last one was AWFUL!) -Stacy- you were the one exception...

I knew we would make a great team when we totally rocked the 3 legged race in our singles ward. (that's a joke...) I lost a few friends over him, but whatever. When there is only 1 cute guy in the singles ward ladies, TALK TO HIM... it worked for me. Now I know that not only do we make a good team, but really pretty babies. That's always a bonus. There have been plenty of ups and downs, but we have always gotten through them together. So this Monday morning, I'm gonna play our song. The words are beautiful.

The Cure - New Music - More Music Videos

Happy anniversary, Mikey!